She announced her abortion via fbk
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
