no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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