kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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