Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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