wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
