pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
