Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
