he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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