I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
