Pappa wants mamma naked
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
