I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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