Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The uberlube is also flammable
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
