Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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