Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
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He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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