she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
