You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
