I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
