Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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