If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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