FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
