We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
