The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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