There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
