I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
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how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
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How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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