gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
