an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
