Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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