He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
