OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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