Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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