he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
