I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
