I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
