saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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