im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
