My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
