i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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