What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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