i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
