How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
