We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
