She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I need water and some morals
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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