i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
