i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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