Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
