Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
