Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
