If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
