Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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