Non-Jews are for practice
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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