Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
