I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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