I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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