i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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