cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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