She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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