i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
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Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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