I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
