I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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