bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
