Cold hands, warm shart.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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