I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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