I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They took my balls.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
