when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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