i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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