I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
