I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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