at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
