The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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