he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
we're so committed to being not committed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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