i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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