she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
